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In just a couple of months, I’ll reach the 5-year anniversary of my move out west to Flagstaff, Arizona. Before that move, I had a nagging desire to leave the eastern seaboard behind and move out west. I was seriously considering Seattle, but when the opportunity to move to this small Arizona town I’d never even heard of, I decided to take the chance.
Believe it or not, when I graduated college in 2010, I had dreams of moving to New York City. I’d visited the city several times and even managed to secure a job offer. The only reason I didn’t was because I graduated with $3.16 in my savings account, which wasn’t exactly going to get me far. Instead, I managed to find a job in a research lab at the university where I studied. The trajectory my life ultimately took could scarcely have been more different from my big city plans.
Since then, the level of personal exploration and transformation I’ve gone through has been immense. Living in Flagstaff has shaped my identity, providing a unique chisel that has helped define who I am, how I want to live, and how the place I call home should reflect that. There are things here that have been wonderful and revealed parts of me I never expected. There has been deep pain and hard lessons, too.
I’ve learned how important it is to me to have quick and easy access to wild areas. Being out on trails as much as four days a week nourishes my soul in a way that is simply irreplaceable. I’ve learned that it’s not actually important to me to live near city amenities like shopping since I prefer to shop online anyway. I appreciate that movies only cost $10 on a Saturday night and it only takes 15 minutes to drive clear across town. I’ve soaked in the delight of being able to spontaneously drive to the Grand Canyon for the day to run or hike. I’ve even accepted that I’ll almost always see someone I know at the grocery store. Flagstaff has also made me appreciate water and architectural charm, in that it doesn’t have either of those things. :)
I never intended to stay in Flagstaff for too long. Long enough to enjoy it, make some friends, and settle in a little, but I never saw it as home. While it’s become more of a home than I expected, it still feels like I haven’t quite found my place. As the years have ticked by, I’ve found myself thinking about what I want and need to feel that sense of home.
A couple of weeks ago, we spent a week in Montana for a trip with family. Together with some of the other traveling I’ve done recently, it reinforced to me how being in places like that–among the mountains and far away from the crowds–stills my soul and calms my mind.
Part of me is surprised at how much I’ve leaned into becoming a Western mountain town woman. Part of me knew it was there all along.
I dreamed up these photos as an expression of that side of me that has come to life. I’m still learning about that side of me, still growing, and still asking questions of myself. I don’t know what’s next for me or when it will come, but I do know I’ve learned so much about how to craft my life with more intention.
Outfit notes: I’m wearing an XXS in this dress, which fits like a size 0 in my opinion. Take note that the fabric has absolutely no stretch. The dress is double-layered and the hem sweep is enormous, so keep in mind hemming is not cheap. I purchased a size S in the hat–measure your head for the most accurate fit.
Outfit details
Yumi Kim woodstock maxi in botanical garden
Rag and Bone Zoe fedora in camel
Frye Valerie lace-up boots (similar linked)
Photo location: Livingston, Montana
Awww, love this. So important to feel “home,” wherever you are. It’s a tough thing to find, and as you said, Flagstaff seems to suit you.
Isn’t it funny how life happens and it’s not what you might have expected and wanted, but somehow it all works out in the end?
Are you crossfitting or lifting at all these days?
It surprises me how much I’ve adapted to living here (even though Flagstaff still doesn’t *quite* feel like home), but I also can’t help but wonder if I’d adapted in the reverse direction had I moved to a city instead. Guess we’ll never know. :)
Right now the closest thing to lifting I’m doing regularly is aerial silks. I keep telling myself I’m going to take more time to lift…and then I keep, uh, not doing that. D: As the weather continues to get worse (we got our first snow this weekend–send help), I’m guessing I’ll be swapping more of my running workouts for something indoors.
love this!! we lived in nashville for awhile and it was totally fun, but it made us realize how much it absolutely was not “home.” we then started from scratch, considering places like boulder, santa fe, reno, mammoth lakes, and eugene, OR before heading back to northern CA. i feel like it has been so important for me, not only to figure out where i want to live, but also to accept where home is for me regardless of whether that place matches my preconceived notions of myself and who I am, etc. i totally want to be a person who can live in a harsh mountain environment with grizzly bears and snow storms and zero organic food, but I’m just not. I’m also not a person who can live happily in a big city. its shocking how hard it is to identify these things surrounded by societal ideals of the “best” places to live. anyways, keep these posts coming. I MISS YOU IN MY DAILY LIFE.
Yeah, I’ve been starting to brew up a bit of a wishlist of “if I could move anywhere…” because, well, I basically could move anywhere. We’re at the point with our house and our jobs that we could pick up and move anytime we like without any real negatives (e.g., losing money on the house) so I can’t help but think about it. I really loved Bozeman, but my god I don’t know if I can do days that never break out of the negatives. Holy wow. Maybe I should just move to Wanaka. ;)
Thank you for sharing! As someone has moved a lot (park service), I don’t always know where I belong though I seem to adapt well many places. I lived in Philly for years and loved it until work brought us west (and we lived in Montana for a season, it isn’t for me). We were at Grand Canyon and then went to Yosemite and I expected to love it but really missed northern Arizona. So we moved to Page and I like it here a lot (except for the schools). But you never know what you’ll like or what you’ll miss until you do it! I’d like to stay put for a while but we’ll see what happens. Maui is still on my list (if I were single, I’d probably be there) and I loved when we had a place in Sedona. So follow your heart but be realistic with your expectations, and remember anywhere takes time to build that community and everywhere has pros and cons (Flag is pretty great!). Good luck in your search!!
And PS, my husband always says home is a state of mind and not location but I struggle with that!
I’m glad you chimed in, Vanessa! To your point, I’ve often wondered how much adaptation has to do with it. Have I just morphed because of where I live, and would I morph again if I moved somewhere totally unlike Flagstaff? Hard to say. Community is a tough one too. It’s hard to tell whether a sense of a lack of community is due to the place itself, something I personally do/don’t do, or just something that needs more time. I wish it were easier to sample more places, but moving is such a major upheaval, not to mention expensive, which I’m sure you can appreciate! I’m glad you’ve found a sense of home in Page, maybe someday soon you’ll get to experience Maui too. :)