As an active person, I often find myself in the crosshairs of a slew of concerned questions:
What if you fall and hurt yourself in the middle of the wilderness? What if you get attacked by an animal? What if you get attacked by a person? What if you get skin damage from the sun? What if you get seriously injured from [insert activity here]?
When CrossFit was my primary workout, I encountered a lot of articles and real-life conversations warning against the dangers of the sport. You could rip up your joints! You could get rhabdo!
Currently, I spend a fair amount of time trail running solo. I actually love it. As a small female, I get plenty of funny looks for choosing to go out alone.
I’ve talked about taking a trip alone to a (well-populated) national park, because alone time in nature is really rejuvenating for me. No sooner than the words get out of my mouth, everyone seems to want to tell me about what an “easy target” I would be if I were to be out alone.
These comments are well-meaning, but they miss the point.
The fundamental problem is that life is risky. There is literally no way to eliminate risk from your life.
Being sedentary can cause health problems. Being active opens you up to injury, no matter the activity. Driving your car to work is risky. Biking to work is risky. Eating meat might be risky to your health. Being vegetarian might be risky.
It’s not about finding things that are perfectly safe. Those things don’t exist. Don’t believe the myth that you can follow some checklist to ensure that nothing bad will ever befall you.
Obviously, I’m not suggesting being reckless. There are basic precautions you can take, like not running through the roughest part of town alone at midnight, or not telling anyone where you’re going right before a 4-day solo backpacking excursion. And yes, there are some activities that are inherently a little less risky when compared to others. But when it comes to taking “precautions” that actually mean depriving yourself of what makes you happy, that’s what I believe is worth intense questioning.
You’re not “supposed” to travel alone. But what if you don’t have a partner or available close friend and the years are rolling by?
Many developing nations are undeniably dangerous, but what if one of your greatest passions is humanitarian aid?
As women, we get an extra-large helping of safety concerns. Most of us were probably conditioned to constantly think (read: worry) about the many threats that constantly surround us. The warnings started when we were quite young. Don’t go out alone. Don’t take your eyes off your drink. Tell someone where you’re going. Learn self-defense. Carry mace.
The list of requirements we’re expected to comply with in order to guard our well-being is seemingly endless. The constant barrage can make us feel like we constantly need to be on our guard and if we misstep, we could be in big trouble. The guilt and expectations piled on us both from society and ourselves are very real.
To add to this, we’re made to feel like obscure risks are much more likely than they really are. For example, plane crashes are very uncommon, but you’re probably more worried about that than a car accident, even though the latter is way more likely, statistically speaking.
The result is that we’re really bad at analyzing whether something is truly risky, and as a result, we tend toward the knee-jerk reaction of avoiding something just because we perceive it as incredibly risky.
This doesn’t mean I don’t worry about things. It doesn’t mean I think that I’m invincible and refuse to believe that anything bad could ever happen to me. But there’s a difference between understanding something is risky and being so worried that you’re too scared to do what you truly want to do.
At the end of the day, I’m not in denial about the reality of risk. I realize that some things I do come with hazards. But I choose to consciously accept risks because I’m not willing to sacrifice things I love at the altar of fear.
Yes, there’s a chance something bad could happen to me while I’m out living my life. I’ve thought about that. Even in the unlikely scenario that something bad happens to me while I’m doing something I love, I believe there is peace in the knowledge that that thing happened to me because I was getting out there and really experiencing life.
The beautiful thing I’ve learned is that we don’t have to immediately dismiss things out of hand just because they’re “risky”. We can choose what we value and accept the risks accordingly. And that’s ok. It’s ok to live with risk. I would rather accept risks if the alternative is missing out on some truly amazing things in my life.
Total safety is an illusion. Eliminating risk is a fairytale.
I choose to unapologetically give myself the freedom to do the things that truly make me feel like I’m living fully.
I don’t want to live a life dictated by fear, but a life driven by the pursuit of joy.
I like this line of thinking. Especially when you look at the actual numbers, and see that American women are just as likely (if not more so) to be assaulted/murdered by someone they know than a total stranger lurking in a dark alley. And most accidents? They occur close to home.
Once I told my mother-in-law about my little town’s adorable park (safest place you could imagine, lots of families with their kids there) and how I jog there every morning. She stood up from her seat and said “Not alone I hope!!”. Well, yeah… your son doesn’t jog. Am I supposed to just wall myself up in here and only leave when he does?
Your first paragraph touches on what I see as a pretty huge irony. Women spend all this time, money, and mental energy worrying about the “stranger in the bushes” scenario when in reality, we’re much more likely to be victims of abuse by a loved one or a partner. In my opinion, arming ourselves to deal with the latter is at least as important, but sadly not something that’s given as much consideration until it’s too late.
I think generally this is true. I am very introverted and prefer to do most things alone. Luckily my husband is this way too and we “make a point” to hang out together a couple times a week…. even while living in the same house. Lol.
But I also have used this mentality in the past and felt that I what I chose to do actually did turn out to be really scary. Like the only totally solo trip I have ever taken led to me cowering in my cabin at night worrying that the creepers at the restaurant had followed me home, rather than being outside enjoying nature and the starry sky. I wasn’t being paranoid – it seemed like a woman alone at a bar/restaurant was an invitation for sketch. I was approached a dozen times during my evening there – even with a novel in my hands! WTF?! On another occasion, when I went camping in a bear-heavy area and didn’t let that deter me, I wound up face to face with a giant bear about 10 feet away from me who WOULD NOT GO AWAY. I have never packed up a campsite so fast!
I’m not saying people shouldn’t do “risky” things – these examples were probably flukes. But I will admit that it is very hard to keep doing certain things when you try them out and find that they actually ARE quite scary. The lesson I have learned is to try to be better at assessing risk in the moment and be okay with stopping if things are worse than I imagined. I hiked the Kalalau trail awhile back and actually cried for about 2 miles of it cause it was so F’ing dangerous (it was raining for anyone familiar with miles 7-9ish). I feel like it helped me see what real risk feels like (very different from “what if there is a serial killer loose on this trail?”), and I vowed to just stop immediately if I ever feel like that again (and not “push through” as I so often try to do).
Anyways, all that being said – this post is well timed as I am hiking half dome in a couple days with my sister. She is convinced that we are going to spontaneously fly from the cables and plummet to our death. I have basically told her exactly what you just told us :)
I think your line about real risk as well as stopping vs pushing through is key. Everybody has to find a balance of risk vs reward they’re comfortable with, and there’s no reason to accept more OR less risk just because that’s what you “should” do according to someone else. What’s scary to me might not be scary to you, and vice versa. And I’m glad you didn’t get eaten by a bear or followed home by a rando at a bar. Ugh. :(
Also, I’m not doing Kalalau if it’s raining. Nope. Nuh uh. Hard pass.
Assuming you’re already done with it, I hope you had an AWESOME time on Half Dome!!!!!! So jealous.
Then you’ll never do the Kalalau trail. It’s ALWAYS raining on Kauai. Lol! I’ve done that trail to the Hanakapaei Falls and it’s an awesome, beautiful, amazing, hard trail with stream crossings (all of which I fell crossing, twice. Lol!) with the reward of the falls that are breathtaking! We also chose to swim to behind the falls and it was amazing. It’s not a scary trail perse, but it is moderate to difficult towards the end. Just wear good hiking shoes for grip (climbing wet rocks) and go slow and you’ll be fine. I always take a rain shell hiking anywhere in Kauai. That’s just a given there. Life’s too short to do “easy” all the time. That’s not living.
I’m crossing my fingers for good weather at least some of the time. I know that might be a little optimistic for the Na’Pali Coast, haha. Worst case scenario, we can always go out and give it a try, but if I feel legitimately scared I won’t beat myself up about turning back. Most people say it’s not as scary as it looks, so that’s what I’m hoping for! I’ve done some other kind of scary trails and been fine, so I’m trying not to get too worked up about it. The right gear and a calm mind go a long way. :)
Good! It’s honestly not scary and I’m not sure where the word scary came to be linked with this trail. You’ve done some decent hikes by your blog posts. I saw people who aren’t “hikers” or even athletic make it to the falls. Get an early start as it’s a good 6ish hours and you’ll want to spend time after on the beach that’s at the trailhead. It has some great snorkeling so make sure you pack snorkeling equipment and beach towels in the car. It’s great to head out snorkeling and chill with the fish after hiking all day. :)
There’s also a couple of hikes in Waimea Canyon and we enjoyed the one we did so look that up too!
If you are even more game, experience Kauai by air and do a helicopter tour of the island. It’s probably one of the best things we’ve ever done!
We’re going all the way to the end–I’ve got permits for 3 nights at Kalalau beach. The parts that have the worst reputation are past the falls. But we should have tons of time to explore the area. :) After we get back to civilization we’re heading to the south side of the island, and Waimea is #1 on my list while we’re there! I’m still considering a helicopter tour but haven’t decided yet!
half dome was super epic!! we started at 4am and it was SO COOL to hike the mist trail portion in the dark. you could hear the water all around you but there was nothing to see until the waterfalls were right there in front of you. so it was like all of a sudden these gigantic waterfalls would just appear out of the darkness. i bet you would really dig it especially since you’ve already done the mist trail – I’m sure it will feel totally different in the dark. the hike overall was not as hard as i pictured and not “scary” really at any point, but the cables were actually way harder than i expected. i did not get the memo about the cables being about 75% effort in your biceps and shoulders – i really only used my legs for leverage and my upper body did all the work. it only made me feel more like a badass in the end though. I’m wearing my soreness like a badge of honor :)
im so glad to hear you are going all the way to kalalau beach! once you get there, keep going to the end before committing to a campsite. ours was almost to the waterfall at the end and it was absolutely stunning. i could see whales breaching from my pillow in my tent.
… and yes, the “scary” part of the trail is toward the end – not the day hike part that most people do to the falls or the first beach. it was terrifying, but worth it, going in when it was dry. my crying due to fear of imminent death moments were all on the way out when it was raining (we felt like we had less choice since it was on the way out, plus the rain really got going when we were about halfway through the treacherous part – so it wasn’t really that different to go forward vs. backward).
I’m very excited for you! we loved it and like i said… BEST CAMPING SPOT EVER. the weird hippies that live at the end were an experience to remember too. it was like something out of that book “The Beach.” When are you going?!
Ahhhh I’m so glad Half Dome went well! Getting an early start sounds so cool as you said. Interesting that it was so upper body intensive, I’ll have to remember that whenever I get permits. I was looking at lodging in Yosemite in late August or September to do Half Dome, but I also want to go to Glacier around that time next year so….ughhhh, choices.
Re: Kalalau, we’re going in November. I still need to get gear sorted, but I’m not sure what combination of borrowing, buying new, or buying used will be the best bet there. I’m hoping we get lucky on weather. Since we have permits for 3 nights, I figure we will have the option of going a day late or leaving a day early if it will help the weather situation. 2 nights is still lots of time. And it’s not a busy time of year so we should be able to score a nice campsite. :)
This is perfect and I couldn’t agree more. I just so happened to have booked a trip to Europe in Decmember. I am going alone. Of course my mother and some people are quite worried. I decided why can I not live my life? Should I not go to places I really want to experience just bc I don’t have a SO or friend to go with? I decided no and I couldn’t be happier. All power to the ladies (and guys) who can do things alone!
Yes! I hope you find some place you love:) I moved to Europe alone when I was very young, and yes got myself into plenty of dangerous situations (not all advised, to be sure), but while I might change some small specific decisions, the overall choice to come here was absolutely the right one. And, like AA says, it’s not more dangerous than a million places/activities close to home.
I spent my junior year of college in France, and during that time I traveled all over Europe, usually alone. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. Have a great trip, Lauren.
Thanks so much ladies! I’m about to turn 30, and just felt like it’s the time to do what I want and not be held back by my or anyone else’s fears :)
And if you’re gonna be in Prague, I’ll send some food recs;) (Lived here several years now)
Really!! Yes please!
Take a look at Sansho (my absolute favorite – whole animal restaurant, no menu unless you want one, amazing quality); same owner has a smaller place right next door called Maso a Kobliha (“maso” = meat & “kobliha” = Czech donuts, and these are the best). Also, head over to Prague 2/Vinohrady neighborhood for a more local experience (lots of expats, cafes, parks). One great spot to eat there is Kofein. Finally, you have to try tank Pilsner (not regular keg Pilsner). Best place to do that is Lokal Dlouhaaa, in Prague 1. Classic Czech, inspired by ’60s and ’70s CZ. Make a reservation. Enjoy:)
That’s awesome! I hope you have an absolutely fantastic, memorable, and of course safe trip! :)
Way to go! I went to Seoul, South Korea by myself recently. I wanted to go, and I didn’t have anyone to travel with, so I just went. It was a great experience being the minority (blue eyed caucasian!) in a country where I didn’t speak the language. I found the people to be incredibly friendly (we communicated in gestures!), and the landscape was gorgeous.
It’s super empowering to wake up in a different country and say to yourself, “I got this!”
Lovely post.
I run alone. But I always let my husband where I’m running and how far I’m running. (Heck, I even worry a little when he goes for a run. Especially at night.)
There are a few local trails that I will only run with a friend. I feel like I could generally run away from a would-be attacker, but I’ve been spooked on runs before. I feel really bad on a trail run once. I’ve been stung. I’ve seen the police chasing an escaped mental patient (!!!) I once thought I saw a rabid raccoon and took off on the fastest ever sprint.
After my last run (8.5 miles and I was completely exhausted) I saw a very scary homeless man yelling at a tiny woman. We have a problem with homeless people—violent, drug users (that the shelters won’t take) that frequent the greenways. So there are local paths that aren’t safe to run.
But on the other side, sometimes it’s really nice to run with a friend. Go slow and chat for an hour. As much as I like running alone, I can go for even a mile with a friend and I’m reminded how nice it is. :)
Happy running (And I can’t wait to see how you do on your half. I’m think of doing an impromptu 5k Monday!)
Download the Road ID app. You can have your runs tracked by someone you designate and it even has alerts that if you stop moving for 5 minutes it will send them an alert.
I run alone 99% of the time. Road. Trail. Hubby tracks me with the Road ID app I use and I always have my phone fully charged. I’ve never felt unsafe though and I think most fears are “in your head” and not real. I’m aware of my surroundings always, I don’t zone out and stay alert to the cars, people etc. that are around me.
As much as I hate the extra weight, sometimes I run with a mobile charger in case my phone gets low on a long run. I use Strava and have thought about paying for premium so that, among other features, I can use its location sharing capability.
The Road ID app is free and when used alone, doesn’t drain your phone battery as fast as Strava does. I’d suggest getting a Garmin running watch for run tracking instead. Don’t need to spend the big bucks on the 235 or the Fenix line like most think you do. The Garmin Forerunner 25 will give you everything you need and also have live runner tracking for friends and family as well. Honestly, Strava kinda sucks tbh. It’s one of the better ones as far as apps go but once you go Garmin, you’ll never go back to apps again.
I remember the rabid raccoon!!! Accidental speed work?? D: I was out on a pretty remote trail this past Saturday (saw barely anyone at all) and, ironically, even though I had JUST written this post, I was a little paranoid I was going to have a run-in with a bobcat or something. Thankfully all I saw were squirrels and bunnies.
Agreed. I have friends who won’t swim alone in the (smallish) lake at our gym. There are no bears/sharks/alligators/whatever, no waves or currents or undertow, and it’s exceedingly unlikely that a would-be assailant would try to attack someone in the water, so the only real risk is of a fluke medical issue (which, honestly, I’m not sure I’d notice or be able to help with if I were swimming with someone, because while we’re swimming together, my head is down and I’m swimming). If I only swam when I could find someone else to swim with, I’d be missing out on so many opportunities to get out on the water.
Yes, that’s exactly the kind of thing we tend to get worked up about even when there’s not a *really* good reason for it. Of course it can be nice to go out with someone, but when that’s not an option, it doesn’t need to be a dealbreaker like you said. :)
100% agree, and I’m so glad that you posted this. I’ve done many ‘risky’ things including backpacking SE Asia alone (I’m female and also very small), moving to new countries alone, walking sketchy areas of the city alone at night, and running by myself. I am aware of the potential risk, but don’t even consider letting my stop me for a second. I do remember a few times being scared, and then realizing my fear was unfounded. I remind myself that people are (almost always) genuinely kind. I would have missed out on so many amazing experiences if I let fear drive my decisions.
Ugh typo, should be “…consider letting it stop me…”.
Yes, despite me being kind of a grumpy cynic most of the time, I too believe that most people are kind and are NOT bogeyman out to get you at the sign of the slightest vulnerability. Bad things DO happen, there’s no denying that, but super-fun, super-amazing things happen too. :)
Back in 2009, I went to South Dakota alone. I had a stressful job that involved working with people all the time, and as an introvert, I needed some time away. I think I may have named it my “The World Can Fuck Off” tour. For 8 days, I hiked and drove through South Dakota and Wyoming all by myself. All 5’2″ of me. Alone. I told rangers where I’d be hiking. I kept aware of my surroundings.
And you know what happened? Nothing. Well, except amazing photography and memories.
Be smart. Take risks. Live your life.
Love it! I’m glad you had an awesome trip. As you alluded to, you can be smart but also take risks–they don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
This speaks to my heart. Thank you for posting this <3
You’re welcome! So glad you liked it. :)
You *obviously* have never been assaulted. And most likely no one close to you has been either. It’s one of the most horrible thing that can happen to a person. I would not wish it on anyone.
It doesn’t just happen to people who “run in the roughest part of town at midnight”.
I have been running alone for over a decade. I am always careful to run in residential areas at a time when “people are out or awake”. Even with these precautions, I have had a couple of scares over the years.
I have also traveled alone and have had similar experiences to a previous poster. Be prepared for unwanted male attention.
I don’t mean to flippant about assault. I realize it can happen, and I don’t want to diminish its severity. I hope that’s not how what I wrote came across.
But as another example, women are unfortunately very frequently raped or abused by a partner, and yet most people still choose to pursue romantic relationships because relationships can be so rewarding. My point isn’t that bad things don’t happen and that we shouldn’t take them seriously. Rather, my point is that no one should decide for you or me what we “should” or “shouldn’t” do. Ultimately, it’s ok for us to come to different conclusions about what we want to choose to do versus our friends, our family, or whomever.
AA – I hope you don’t mind if I offer a different perspective.
From what I can remember from reading Mark Sisson’s Primal book many years ago, it includes a chapter on being careful as one of the key elements of staying healthy – I think it was called something like “Don’t Do Dangerous Things”. As someone who is accident and injury prone, it seems like a good idea.
I do a dangerous sport, or at least I would, if I didn’t have a fracture “again”. Last summer I watched a dead body being recovered from the water in front of my house. This sort of thing is not unusual and it does make the news, so you hear about it.
I suspect most assaults don’t make the news. I doubt the police ring the news reporters, at least they didn’t in my case. I’ve heard about assaults in my area from my running club (which doesn’t allow people to run by themselves in the dark, by the way), but if not for that I wouldn’t be aware of them. Last summer, there was an attempted assault of 2 ladies in a park, less than a mile from my house, in broad daylight. Lucky for me, I run in the other direction (only kidding).
I don’t live in a dangerous city. I suspect the crime statistics are extremely low compared to most American cities.
I was assaulted at dusk, not midnight and by someone not much bigger than me. You think it would never happen to you and then it does. You think you could get away and then you can’t. I can’t imagine anyone who is assaulted, would ever find peace in the fact they were doing something they loved. It doesn’t make you stronger, a better person or anything like that, but it does make you “street smart” and that’s a good thing. Street smart enough to not walk through the city by yourself at 2 am and not to run on a nearly deserted trail after dark.
After 2 fractures in 2 years, I’ve also learnt that non-weight bearing on crutches sucks, and that not all fractures heal easily and on-schedule. I have learnt that not being allowed to do any exercise can be the least of your worries.
While I know, and am constantly told, I need to be more careful, it doesn’t come naturally to me. I have had many close calls and I’ve always been ok, but there are some thing no-one should have to go through, and if you can avoid it by being more careful, that has my vote.
I never mind dissenting opinions, so long as it’s done civilly and respectfully, which you certainly did. :)
I’m so sorry to hear about the things that have happened to you. If you’re not currently well, I hope you heal soon!
As I mentioned in my other comment, I certainly don’t mean to make light of potential incidents (of any kind) or to act like they shouldn’t be given serious gravity when making decisions. I absolutely agree with you that when it’s possible to lessen the danger of a situation while still experiencing a positive thing, then that’s definitely something we should do. For example, I would never condone running alone at night with headphones on just to prove a point.
For me, my life experience has left me kind of in the opposite boat. While you mentioned that being careful doesn’t come naturally to you, I’ve always tended to overcompensate and let fear and paranoia really limit me. I think there’s always a happy medium to be found, but as I tried to reiterate in a few places here, I think what’s important is that we really give those choices serious thought. Being careless is bad, but so is being soul-crushingly paranoid.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment!
(And please excuse the massively delayed reply.)
I really enjoyed reading your perspective and I agree 100% with it. I survived an attempted kidnapping while sitting in a public park in broad daylight, studying. Yes, it was scary, but I don’t let that one interaction stop me from doing some of the things I love most, which includes being alone with nature. I run frequently late (dusk to dark) especially in the wintertime, and although I’m aware of my surroundings, I refuse to let fear cause me to not enjoy life while I’m hear.
here, not hear (stupid autocorrect) :)
Oh wow, I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. Definitely reiterates that sometimes “safe” things can be just as dangerous as the more stereotypical dangers. I’m glad you’re ok, and glad you’ve still been able to enjoy the things you love. :) Thanks for sharing!! (And sorry for the belated response!)