A few years ago when I lived in North Carolina, I often thought to myself how nice it would be to visit Asheville and hike in the mountains of western NC. It was only 3 hours away, and I knew I would love it. I dreamed about staying in a cozy little cottage, hiking Grandfather Mountain, exploring the local shops and restaurants, and breathing in the crisp air of the beautiful Blue Ridge.
I lived in North Carolina for a year and a half, or approximately 75 weekends of possibility.
But the one and only time I ever “visited” Asheville was when I blew through it at 65 mph on the highway, leaving NC indefinitely and heading to my new home in Arizona. I didn’t even stop.
If you’d asked me why I hadn’t gone, I could’ve quickly rattled off a laundry list of excuses. I didn’t have anyone to go with me. It was too expensive. I didn’t have someone to watch my dogs. I would have to rent a car. I was too busy with my lab research.
That’s a load of nonsense.
The real reason I wasn’t doing it, and the reason many of us don’t do things we want, is that I was waiting for the “perfect” time. I was waiting for the opportunity to fall into my lap.
The Myth of Perfect Timing had me firmly in its clutches. Subconsciously, I believed that if I just waited, the perfect opportunity would present itself. All I would have to do is simply say “yes” to this mystical opportunity; somehow all the stresses and the details would just take care of themselves if I waited long enough.
Making plans can be scary. Maybe you’ll overpay for a flight ticket. Maybe you’ll come back from our trip only to find out you missed out on some cool event or destination that we didn’t get to see. Maybe the weather will be bad. Maybe you’ll get a nasty cold.
Planning trips isn’t the only place the Myth of Perfect Timing rears its ugly head. If you’re anything like me, I bet you’ve had similar feelings way about lots of other things. “I don’t want to train for this race because I might not pick the right training plan, so I won’t pick any training plan.” “I can’t learn to rock climb because it’s too expensive.” “I don’t want to try a new nutrition plan because it will take too much time.”
Because there are so many ways we can do something imperfectly and there are so many ways for something to be hard, it’s easy to fall back into the sweet comfort of doing nothing. It’s easier to keep your grand plans tucked away in a fantasy world in your mind, safe from the messy realities and imperfections of life.
Instead, we take the “safe” path of doing nothing and let the status quo prevail. If you never take action, you don’t have to feel the pain of your plans not being perfect. Right?
In recent years, I’ve started to learn what an awful, joy-stealing trap that is.
Here’s the reality. When it comes to taking action, there’s virtually always going to be friction. There’s always going to be challenges, obstacles, and little (or big) stresses.
No one has ever come up to me and said, “I’ve taken care of all your work projects for the next week, I sorted out your vacation days with your boss, someone’s going to come by to fix the dishwasher and clean and paint the bathroom while you’re away, I’ve packed the perfect outfits for you, and oh by the way here’s $3000 for you to jet off to Hawaii. Have a great trip!”
I wish, right?
In other words, the problem with the Myth of Perfect Timing is simply that those “perfect” circumstances are almost never going to arise. I’ve learned that circumstances almost NEVER feel like the perfect time. Life is always busy. Money is always limited. There’s always something else you “should” be doing with that free time instead.
If I waited to feel like everything was falling into place, I’d probably only have done a tiny handful of cool things in my life.
Here’s the other big secret: some of the best experiences I’ve had came out of times when I ignored the limiting, discouraging messages of the Myth of Perfect Timing. It takes work to recognize those hesitations and negative beliefs for what they are, and to consciously decide to push past them. But in my experience, it’s been worth it every single time.
I’ve learned that I’d rather have an imperfect experience than no experience at all. I’ve learned that the times where I terrify myself with visions of how it’s going to crumble are usually wrong. In fact, the experiences that I worried would be “imperfect” have been some of the most beautifully memorable.
Learn to recognize the Myth of Perfect Timing for what it is: a myth. Live with more intention and purpose, be more bold in your pursuit of the things you really want to do. Next time you have an exciting idea and start worrying about how it’s not going to work, take a step back. Ask yourself if those concerns are really valid, or if your mind is just looking for a way back to its comfort zone.
Don’t let the fear of imperfect planning or the discomfort of temporary stresses dissuade you from seeking experiences that will bring you fulfillment and joy.
Pic 1: Blue Pools, Haast, New Zealand.
Pic 2: Pipe Creek Beach, bottom of the Grand Canyon.
Pic 3: The Narrows, Zion National Park.
All three are amazing experiences that the Myth of Perfect Timing almost kept me from having.
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So true! :) (and yet… I fall prey to this all the time)
How freaky is that blue pools bridge? So wobbly.
Oh yes, I was amazed at how wobbly that bridge was! But admittedly kind of fun to shake it around a little. :)
Giving up on the notion that the perfect opportunity will fall in my lap, I ended up going to South Dakota by myself. I had a blast! I hiked when I wanted to. Stopped when I wanted to stop. Photographed all of the things. Sure, maybe it would’ve been better with company, but I still think back fondly on that vacation.
Sometimes you just have to make your own opportunities.
Yes, I *completely* agree with your last line. It’d be great if everything fell into place every time, but taking the bull by the horns almost always pays off in some fashion. I’m so glad you got to experience that with your SD trip!
My SO was one of those “plan every detail of what we are going to do, where we are going when, what time we eat” etc. Planning everything or he wasn’t comfortable. Being married over 25 years things have changed but it’s only recently when I finally started to say “I picked this weekend and we’re going to X for 4 days” and to questions of “what are we going to do on X day?” I’d answer “I don’t know. We’ll see when we get there”. After about a year of this and over several trips, he’s now become super chill and loves it. The last trip we took with our adult children showed me how far he’s come. One is a planner by nature. It was quite funny to hear her ask “what are we doing on Saturday? On Sunday” and to hear him answer “We’ll see when we get there what there is to do and we’ll figure it out as we go” :O HUGE change!
With owning a business there’s always something that needs to be done or some excuse to not be able to go somewhere. Also paying college tuitions (yes, plural) money is an issue too. Care-taking aging parents means we have to make sure that other siblings are around to take over when we are gone. We are getting better at just picking a weekend and getting out there but yes, it takes work to get past the thought that there is the perfect weekend that nothing is happening and it’s wide open. That myth is strong and it’s a constant battle for sure.
What has helped is I’ve made a list of trips I want to do, things I want to see (this list is smaller trips and day trips – not trips to Italy that are a bucket list). Things like “take the train to see X museum”, “Daytrip to X town for their apple pie”, “weekend trip to X”, “hike X trail”. It helps me to visually see what I am wanting to explore/experience and then it helps my brain to say “Okay, that’s a fun one-day train trip. We can do that on X day next week” and I call the SO and say “can you take Thursday off next week? I want to go do this…” This system has really helped and since I started this, we’ve done a lot of the little fun things that we never seemed to get to!
Loving the blog btw AA!
I love that story about your husband! I’m a planner like him, and it’s definitely been a process to try to find the right balance between that and doing things off the cuff sometimes. I’ve been using your same idea about lists for short things like day hikes or even new restaurants, and I agree, it works really well. Putting it down on paper has a way of making it seem achievable as well as keeping you accountable to yourself for actually making those cool things happen. Thanks for chiming in and sharing your stories. :)
You are so right! In my mind, I would like to have three things perfect for an adventure of any kind: enough time, enough money, and someone to join me. It’s so rare for all that to come together at the same time. So for the past few years I’ve gone on some solo international adventures and had a great time! The first trip I remember, even as I was going to the airport, how easy it would be to tell the cab drive I’d changed my mind, just take me back home. I’m so glad I didn’t!
You really hit the nail on the head with those 3 essential adventure ingredients. I agree, they so rarely align. I’m glad you’ve been able to have some great times in spite of the seeming “imperfections”. :)
Wow this resonates with me in really big ways. Thank you for this!
I’m so glad, Brynn, and I hope it’s a little bit of encouragement for you. :)
Wow – I feel like this is just what I needed to hear right now! I fall into this trap all too easily, and in so many aspects of life, some obvious, some not. Thanks AA :) Annddd I spy a trip on the horizon…
Yessss do it! :) So glad this spoke to you. I agree, the more I’ve become aware of it the more I’ve noticed this way of thinking cropping up in so many unexpected places and times. It’s a lot harder to root out than it seems!
As an Asheville native, I gotta say it….go! When you’re back East, take a trip there…it won’t disappoint!!
Hehe, I was waiting for someone to chime in with a comment like yours. :) There are so many places I’d like to visit out east. I used to live in Charlottesville, VA and I miss the Blue Ridge so much!! <3
This post is very true! You can take the same philosohy:mindset for most activities and goals!
Nothing will happen if you don’t 1) think about it and set your intention and 2) start taking action to make that goal happen!!
Yes, there are uncertainties in life but we must learn to go with the flow and learn what we love so we can spend more time doing those things!
:)
Love it!! You’re totally right. Magical things can happen when we embrace those uncertainties.
I have definitely been a victim of this myth, not just with big trips, but even small ones/nights out/plans with friends. Even with what clothes I wear! I think being aware that life is short helps me start “just doing it.” Although, I’ve been known to do major things spontaneously…I got my first tattoo because I saw a design I liked, booked the appointment, and then got it done without telling anyone lol.
Yup, I notice that I think that way even with small things too! It’s been surprisingly hard to break the habit since I’ve realized how pervasive the habit really is. I’m glad you’ve been making strides too. :)
I was right at this moment towards the end of last year. Backstory, I didnt grow up in the US, I grew up in the Philippines. Ive been here since the early 2000s and have not gone back, and somehow the idea of going back was scary to me. I was apprehensive because going home to a family and country that has changed so drastically in the past almost 15 years is BIG.
But I realized I couldnt let my nieces and nephews and cousins grow up even more than they have in the past years without reconnecting; I couldnt go on not meeting their new spouses, new babies, new significant others. I also missed my remaining 2 siblings something fierce. So I bit the bullet – bought the tickets for a 22 hour flight (one way!) and booked an airbnb. The boy couldnt go because he had just started a new job. I travelled alone for the first time in my life, came home to a family that had things of their own going on, and lives of their own.
Somehow, it fit. I had my alone time in the mornings to explore, practice yoga and hike around the city. Then I had my evenings filled with family and love. I realized that we all should travel, and travel alone at some point in our lives. Just bite the bullet, and go. I am so glad I did, and to be honest, I cannot wait til 2020 when I go again!
Love that story, it’s such a perfect example! I’m so glad that you were able to muster up the gumption to go, long flight and all. :) As I’ve been getting older, I’ve started to realize the value of doing things (including traveling) alone. Although I’m not exactly the perfect example of it yet, I agree that it’s so valuable.
Kind of late to the party… but we go to the Asheville area at least 3 times a year. I bring all 3 of my dogs and I have gone alone, with my husband, friend, and a huge group. It is my favorite place in the entire world as of yet. If you ever get back to the area… please go to skinny dip falls and follow the river down and rock hop. My pups love it and it’s always the first thing we do when we get there. Love your blog btw :)
Ahh that place looks gorgeous! Your comment totally sent me down the rabbit hole of checking flights and looking for airbnb’s. D: I need more vacation days from work! I miss the Blue Ridge something fierce.
I seriously love everything about this post! Yes for putting excuses behind and actually getting out adventuring!
‘I’ve learned that I’d rather have an imperfect experience than no experience at all’ – THIS a thousand times!!!!! OMG, reading this is everything. thank you for opening my eyes!
I’m soooo glad it struck a chord with you!! <3 Here's to more experiences, perfect or not. :)