As I mentioned on the blog, I recently participated in my second CrossFit competition! This comp was actually the same one I did last year, which is hosted by my home gym. Since I live in a small town, basically all other comps require travel, so this one is nicely convenient. (Yes, I realize this post is a little overdue, but it took a while to collect my thoughts and put them into words.)
Typically for competitions, I look for an individual scaled division, but much to my surprise, this year I actually ended up doing the RX division. The competition organizers sent out some guidelines for choosing RX’d or scaled, and because there was only one thing I couldn’t do out of the five listed, I decided to take a chance and go for RX’d. Generally speaking, I am NOT an RX’d athlete at all, but since the movements worked out, I decided to go for it!
I ended up tying for last place out of 11 women in my division. Technically, the row from WOD 3 (see below) was supposed to serve as the tiebreak, so using that, I was actually just plain last, haha. Tying for last (ish) was sliiightly better than my expectation of being just plain last, but I had a tiny flicker of hope that I would get closer to the middle of the pack.
P.S. Apologies for the crazy-blurry pictures. They’re action shots, what’re you gonna do…
WOD 1
7 min AMRAP
30 cleans, 65#
30 cleans, 95#
30 cleans, 125#
Max 165# cleans with remaining time
I knew this WOD wasn’t going to be winning me any points, so I went at a moderate pace. I did the first set of cleans in a few sets to keep from blowing out my shoulder muscles. When I got to 95#, it was just a matter of being patient and resting long enough between reps not to miss a rep. I ended up getting six cleans at 95#. Considering my 1RM is 103#, I was pleased with my score, especially because some of my last couple of reps were actually my best.
WOD 2
20 min AMRAP
1000M row buy-in, then:
20 pull-ups
20 pistols
20 handstand push-ups
20 wall balls, 14# to 9′
20 burpees
This WOD was the closest thing to a real competition I was going to have. Rowing is not really my jam, but the bodyweight movements in the subsequent portion were more my speed. I hoped my bodyweight skills would be enough to get me a decent score in this one.
Since I’m a slow rower, I went in planning for a pace of about 2:40 (per 500M) on the rower. I often come out too hard on the row and end up feeling like absolute crap for the rest of the workout, but I’ve been getting much better at strictly staying on pace and preserving my energy. I came off the rower way behind the other women in my heat (we’re talking like 30 seconds behind), but after a few breaths to recover, I pounded out my first 20 pull-ups in 3 sets. Despite their head start, I actually passed a couple of women in that first set of pull-ups, which gave me a huge boost of excitement.
My pistols had been pretty shaky leading up to the competition (and indeed, I think I fell on my butt immediately after the pic above was snapped), but since I knew they were coming I was able to get a couple practice sessions in. Considering how rough they had been, my pistols went surprisingly well and I was able to work through them faster than I expected with minimal missed reps. I hit the skids again on the wall balls (heavy for me) and lost quite a bit of ground there, but again, managed to chip away. In the end, I managed to make it most of the way through the second round of pistols before time was called.
I placed 9th of 11 in this WOD, which was a little bit disappointing since I knew this was going to be my strongest event (and indeed, it was my best placing of the day). I wish there hadn’t been a row buy-in, since that would’ve left me extra time to work through my strengths and rank better, but you can’t have it all!
WOD 3
Max height vertical jump
1 RM snatch
WOD 3 was a floater WOD consisting of two quick portions done at separate times. The vertical jump was an interesting metric to throw in the mix. There was really no strategy or gaming here, just jump high! To my surprise, I actually ended up beating a couple people in this event!
For the snatch, we only had 3 minutes to put up the biggest number we could, so there was definitely some strategy required. It was also measured in kilos, which added an unexpected mental aspect. My snatch PR is 75#, so that number was the best case scenario I had in my head. Often in competition when you’re already fatigued, you can’t put up numbers as big as in training. To be cautious, I started off with an easy 25 kg, which is only about 55#. With only 3 minutes, I just wanted to make sure I put up something. I jumped to 30 kg (66#) and made my first attempt, though it definitely felt a lot heavier. For my last weight, I almost put on 34 kg, but decided to go all in and try for 35 (77#). I attempted twice and could float the bar about to my face level, but couldn’t get under it. I do wish I’d gone with my first instinct to load 34 instead of 35, but I would’ve still placed last in this WOD regardless, so whether I got that last lift didn’t really matter in terms of the competition.
(And yes, I split snatch when it gets heavy, so that’s what that pic is.)
WOD 4
5 rounds for time (12 min cap):
20 GHD situps
5 shoulders-to-overhead, 135#
This last WOD was a huge struggle for me. I had a couple of hours between my third WOD and this last one, which was enough time for the fatigue to start setting in and my energy to flag. Before the event even started, my body was resisting and pretty much just ready for a nap.
The idea of putting 135# above my head was truly laughable–it’s so far above my 1RM that it would’ve been foolish to even attempt, so I spoke to my judge and had the weight adjusted down to 75#, a heavy but doable weight for me. By scaling the weight, only the first 20 reps counted, but it meant I could still continue with the spirit of the competition and work through the WOD instead of standing there until the cap.
The worst thing about the WOD, and probably the whole days, was those GHDs. Coming off the GHD, you have to give yourself a moment before you can lift because the sit-ups make you so dizzy. Whipping around so much also gave me a mean headache for a couple hours afterward. On top of that, I’m not used to such a high volume of GHDs, so this WOD absolutely trashed my abs. A couple days after the competition, my abs were so sore that it hurt to stand up straight. I don’t know if any of you have ever been that sore in your abs, but it’s a special kind of miserable. Kiiiinda made me wish I’d went with the standing there option. :)
My shoulders were pretty smoked from the previous WODs, but I pushed myself to do all 5 reps of each set without dropping the bar because I didn’t want to have to clean the weight up again. It was pretty much torture and I was just so ready to be done. I ended up getting capped 15 GHDs into my last round.
Competition Reflections
First: I’m glad I chose the RX division. I think I had more fun by being able to do the WODs with more challenging movements. Competing scaled would’ve meant placing better, but I’m generally of the mindset that if there’s any way I can do the more challenging version of something, that’s what I’m going to choose. So I’m happy with my choice there, even though it meant ranking poorly.
Also on the positive side, one thing I did well in this competition was keeping my eyes on my own game, i.e., not worrying about what others were up to. This skill is pretty useful, but one I’ve developed out of necessity in the >2 years I’ve been doing CrossFit. At my gym, there are zero athletes who I can benchmark myself against. Most athletes know of a couple people at their gym who have a similar skill level to them that they “compete” with and compare scores with in day-to-day WODs. I don’t at all. Sure, there are individual WODs where someone might track closely with me, but there are no athletes who overall have comparable strength and skill to me. This means I’ve had to get to know my pace and my limitations very well, and that definitely has its advantages.
Overall, I had a perfectly fine time. It wasn’t some kind of “omg so amazingggg” day, but it wasn’t bad either. My results didn’t make me feel crappy, because I was expecting them. Though on the flipside, I’m sure I would’ve been thrilled if I’d done better than anticipated.
In the wake of the competition, I’ve found myself reflecting and questioning the idea of competing in CrossFit for me personally. What am I actually getting out of competing? Am I learning anything? Am I getting better in some way? If the answer is no, why am I doing it, and is it really worth my time, money, and energy?
The thing is, I’ve always loved the idea of competing, so I like that being a CrossFit athlete gives you that option. The extra pressure and energy of competitions tends to make me push myself, and I also like to see how I stack up against others. Ideally, competition provides context for your hard work and reveals your strengths versus what you might need to work on.
But here’s a big problem with competitive CrossFit: workout programming generally assumes a certain average body type. Yes, they try to balance the scales for bigger versus smaller athletes by mixing up bodyweight movements with heavy, load-bearing movements, but there’s still limitations on the sizes of athletes that can reasonably work through the movements. Below a certain point, CrossFit is not kind to small athletes, men and women alike.
And yes, this works on a day-to-day basis at the gym. I can and do scale according to my abilities to give myself an appropriate challenge on my strengths and a more reasonable load on my weaknesses. But CrossFit competitions are necessarily a way to compare yourself to others. In a sport like running, you do the same amount of work in each race and can therefore compare those results to your previous results. You get something out of it because you find out if you’re getting stronger and if your training is working. But in CrossFit competitions, WODs are all over the map, and therefore don’t usually give you any useful metric to compare your current competition self with your past competition self. Almost the entire point is that you’re comparing your fitness capacity with other people’s fitness capacity. (Mind you, I don’t think that’s automatically bad, it’s just an observation.)
To be more concrete, on a good day, I weigh in at about 100 lbs. This is far below the more average range of 130-150 lbs (ish) for female CrossFitters. So while my 115 lb front squat might be a great number for my weight, that number is child’s play to most athletes and all but useless on the competition floor. Because I am an outlier in terms of size, I end up being an outlier in terms of fitness abilities, and competition feels like a sort of apples-to-oranges comparison. Pretty frequently, it leaves makes me feeling more than a little bit sad that, while I enjoy CrossFit, I just can’t seem to fit in as a “real” CrossFitter.
For me personally, and probably for many others, any kind of exercise isn’t very much fun when you feel like you suck at it. While I don’t remotely feel the need to be the greatest in the world, there’s huge reinforcing value to feeling like you’re at least decent. For me, and maybe for you too, there’s also the social aspect of wanting to be respected as a dedicated and skilled athlete by your fitness peers. In CrossFit, I have struggled and continue to struggle with all of this. While I don’t feel like I suck at CrossFit, per se, I also don’t feel like I’m great at CrossFit. That middle ground can be a hard place to be, since I like it well enough to want to keep doing it, but I am lacking in skill enough to be a little frustrated at times.
So overall, I think these are pretty normal feelings to have–desiring achievement and social acceptance/respect–but they still leave me with questions about whether I’m on the right path. While I’m not really considering quitting CrossFit as a whole, I’m not sure competing in it is the right choice for me. And if I don’t compete in CrossFit, how can I tweak my perspective and/or my training to feel more positively about my fitness? Is competing still important to me in general? If yes, should I pursue other types of competitive sports? These are all questions I hope I can find better answers for.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading about my competition experience and my feeeeeelings. :) If you have thoughts about competing, CrossFit, the emotions of fitness, etc., feel free to share them below!
I think it’s awesome that you did the competition—and I’m impressed by all of it, 20 pull-ups
especially. (You should reward yourself with some new workout clothes ;) Love the werkshop dragon.
I’m not a Crossfit athlete. In fact, I do almost everything but CrossFit. I’m a big believer in doing what you love—and trying new workouts to see what your next love might be, or even trying a new workout to reaffirm that you still love your current workout. I love that we have so many options: CrossFit, running, barre, pilates, yoga, acrobatics, cycling, climbing, all sorts of classes.
If you’re not feeling CrossFit at the moment—try something new. That’s what I think. Your petite frame actually works to your advantage in so many sports. (You would make an excellent flyer in acro yoga if you have that in your area). And if you’re truly, madly, deeply in love with CrossFit—keep at it—and compete with yourself. Set goals and don’t worry about the others!
Best!
Thank you for chiming in, Sara. :) I’ve tried a pretty decent variety of fitness things in the past, but it’s been a long time since I’ve branched out (especially since moving to a small town where there isn’t as much selection). I don’t know that I’m necessarily unhappy with crossfit as a whole, there are just aspects of it that can be frustrating. Maybe that’s true of any sport, I’m not sure. Likewise, if I were to abandon crossfit in favor of, say, aerial silks (which I’ve tried in the past and really liked), I would lose a lot of the things I DO love. So, it’s an open question whether changing my sport of choice would be a net positive or if it would just be a different set of pluses and minuses.
I do really like the idea of competing, which is mostly what I’m trying to figure out right now. I’m not sure if the answer to my competitive tendencies is to look for a sport where I can compete happily (e.g., Olympic weightlifting where there are weight classes), or if it would be better just to let go of the idea altogether and focus on the other positive aspects of whatever I’m doing.
I totally get where you’re coming from! I know it’s not the same as you, for you, it’s your weight and frame, me it’s being a female. I’ve always been good at all sports but the problem is that I’ve always been too good to play against women and even most of the average men. So I always end up playing against men, and let me tell you that they don’t like it, especially if I win which happens quite often (Yes, would believe that, knowing we’re in 2015!!!). Fortunately, not all men react that way but it’s still so frustrating and nothing I can do about it. The point of my story is, if you like what you’re doing, then keep doing it. If you pick up another sport, there will still be something else that will get in your way. Unless it makes you very unhappy, I would say keep doing what makes you happy, even if not all part of it is good but enough to make you happy! Great job for your competition and your blog!
Thanks so much for your insight here! I had the same thought: no matter where I go, something will get in the way. I don’t want to kid myself that there is some “perfect” sport out there for me–each will have its own set of challenges and rewards. The more I can find ways to highlight the good, the better off I will be.
Kudos on choosing the more challenging competition, and congratulations on your second competition! It sounds especially tough to place well not only with crossfit being geared toward different body types, but also with only 11 competitors. I have never done crossfit but have a friend who owns a gym & have been to a competition to see her. One thing that struck me was how serious and competitive the environment was. I think it would be stressful to compete in that environment, so kudos again. About competing in general, it’s funny to read this because I’ve been having very similar feelings lately. I am just not a competitive person, though, and participating in competitive events just isn’t my thing. If you decide it’s your thing, maybe talk to the coach at your gym. Surely you can’t be the only one who has experienced this. Maybe there is–or could be–events more tailored to your body type? And if not, surely there are ways to progress & still challenge yourself without competing in crossfit? And if not that, there’s a world of things to try that I bet you’d excel at and love. At any rate, I think it’s good to step back and really think about what you want to do next. Life is too short to not do what we love!
Thanks Jenn! :) I do wish the field had been a bit larger as it’s always nice to have more “data points”, if you will (though they’re at most usually only a couple dozen, not that large). Unfortunately, the problems I mentioned with crossfit competitions are basically unavoidable. There are parts of crossfit that I do love, and I don’t necessarily want to do something else, I just wish it was different. There doesn’t seem to be an obvious solution since I’m loathe to give up crossfit AND loathe to give up competing, but one of them will have to give. Of course, if there was a simple solution, I would’ve written the post differently, haha. Maybe there is some aspect to competing that I can fulfill in other ways, but I haven’t teased out what that might be yet.
I am so glad you shared your thoughts on CrossFit and competing. I have so many similar feelings about it! I’m a runner and have been doing CrossFit for about a year now. I weigh about 112lbs. While I have loved it and love how much stronger I am than when I started, it is hard to continually be at the middle-bottom of the weight portion every single day. Everyone always says “your strength to weight ratio is great” but it does get a little old. But then, as you said, why am I doing this anyway? I’m never going to be a CF competitor and I do love it most of the time and it has helped my running. Anyway, thanks again for sharing your feeeeeelings and you’re not alone! :)
Thanks Jamie, it’s nice to hear I’m not the only one. :) No one is remotely close to my size at my gym, so it can feel pretty isolating sometimes since most people don’t seem to “get” it. I get that same weight ratio comment sometimes, too, but agree that at the end of the day it can leave something to be desired!
As long as you’re making progress, then you’re a real crosfitter! I’ve been doing crossfit for 19 months now and I rarely ever RX anything. I am so inconsistent because of work so my progress has been slow plus I have really long limbs so it makes things a bit harder, in my mind anyway. But I keep going because I like how my body is changing plus I find everything else boring and I have too many injuries from running.
I think you’re a great athlete even if you don’t think that of yourself! You can do many things most cross fitters can’t so don’t be so hard on yourself.
Thanks lady. :) I think some of my frustration is exacerbated by the fact that my progress is a bit stalled right now. My schedule is insanely busy these days, so I’ve had a hard time getting to the gym as diligently as I did 6 months ago. I’m more maintaining than progressing right now, which isn’t a super-fun place to be either. But you’re right, I’m still pretty strong and can do a lot of interesting and useful things, lol. So at least there’s that. :)
I am not a cross fitter, and do not know what the acronyms and terms listed in this piece mean, but your reflections on competitions and choices in sports caught my eye. Thank you for writing such a thoughtful piece. I personally feel that my relationship with health and fitness is ever changing and that I am on a journey rather than aiming for a destination. When I voice that I choose not to reach for a goal, say a marathon, a lot of people will misconstrue this and provide encouragement, thinking you are feeling discouraged. But I think they miss the point that this is about self reflection and choosing what is right for oneself rather than letting commercial interests and crowds set goals for you.
I’m glad you could still get something out of a bit of a crossfit-y post. :) I think you nailed it when you said that some people don’t quite understand when you choose NOT to do something. There can definitely be a group attitude in fitness that you “should” do certain things, or that you “should” enjoy certain things, but I 100% agree that it’s important to examine those things for ourselves. I should take a cue from you and try to remind myself to accept (embrace?) the fact that it’s an ever-evolving journey, and there’s nothing wrong with that. :)
I agree with palmtree (and others) below that fitness is about the journey and how it makes you feel and not about a destination. if having competitions in your life makes you feel better about the journey of fitness on a daily basis (i.e., you feel better when you do it because you are working toward a goal), then great, keep competing! personally, competition makes me anxious and makes me feel like a failure, so i don’t do it anymore. in fact, when i run i map out various routes that are about the distance i want to go and then never time myself or bring a watch. i just want to run and feel the way i feel when i run… not judge the run by any external standard. in addition, i do lots of fun barre and bootcamp and yoga videos at home to supplement my fitness and i like those cause i feel badass and strong and pretty when i do them. you summed this up perfectly in one of your lulu problems with the lovely yogi pose (how i feel) compared to the how i actually look gif (i don’t remember what it was, but probably some dopey looking penguin waddling around or something). creating a feeling of strength and power when i work out is also the precise reason that i love fitness gear… it further adds to those feelings. if i have on stretchy cotton pants from target i do not feel badass. if i have on a hot mesh top over a cool sports bra and my werkshop dragon leggings, then i KNOW that i am awesome and powerful! (only awesome powerful people wear outfits like that.) anyways… like you said, its about feeeeeeeelings! so yay for that!
Thanks for your thoughts Carrie. :) You make a good point that sometimes fitness is just about how you feel in that moment. For a while, CrossFit was my escape from an extremely stressful and turbulent time, so its purpose was more therapy than looking to check off some box. Since my life is continuing to evolve, I suppose it’s logical that now I have to reexamine what exactly I’m looking for. Your thoughts are definitely worth reflecting on, that there can be tremendous value in just focusing on that feeling rather than getting caught up in some kind of external evaluation. :)
Thanks for sharing your post! While I’m not as small as you, I’m still on the smaller scale for CrossFit athletes (especially in the SUPER competitive NorCal region). I’ve never done an RX competition but I’ve done about 4 scaled competitions (including 2 team competitions – which were a great option because you can divide the events based on your strengths). They were fun experiences but I’m taking a break from them, and from CrossFit overall, to focus on building strength. I know that for me, I’ll never get better at CrossFit until I get stronger. I also focused on a goal – I want to be able to RX all the classic “girls”, the benchmark WODs. Have you thought about setting a goal like that? It has really helped me determine where I want to go with CrossFit and when I can stop pushing myself. I saw a great someecard that said: “What am I training for? Life, motherf*cker.” For me, that’s 100% true – we are just training to be better at life, but it’s hard to remember that. Congrats again on your performance – I’m super impressed that you can RX 40 pull ups so quickly and do RX handstand pushups at all – both are things I aspire to do!
Thanks for your thoughts, Shannon! I can’t imagine being in the NorCal CrossFit scene, that must be a whole different level (especially compared to laid back northern AZ, haha). To your point, I’ve had some goals like that over time, but to some extent they can feel a bit arbitrary. I’ve also recently met most of the goals I set for myself a long time ago (e.g., muscle-up, 1x bodyweight c+j), so that’s left me with a bit of a “now what” feeling. If I just increase those numbers for new goals, it doesn’t seem quite as satisfying. I’ve been considering committing to something different, like a half marathon, because even if I don’t have a hard and fast goal, having some specific thing to train for can be more motivating than just “squat more”. Still pondering, though. Maybe I’ll get over myself in a couple weeks. ;)
First off, you are adorable! I love your power outfits ;) I’ve been “CrossFitting” since 2009 and at a solid, unwavering 5’2″, 118#, so I feel your pain. In fact, I competed regularly in 2010 and 12011, but in the end it lost its luster because of exactly what you’re saying. A 230# deadlift may be as impressive as hell to me, but it means nothing to the 135-165 women leaving me in their dust. Say what you want about not comparing yourself, but when you go to compete, you’re left with very little choice and very little satisfaction for an otherwise impressive day. And that’s not fair to me! Its a struggle, I won’t lie. The ‘competitor’ in me wants to beat me up for not feeling up for competing anymore, but I have to tell myself to just do what makes me happy because it’s not competing in the ‘all-over-the-map” WODs of a comp. I LOVE feeling strong, limber, balanced, healthy, and all of these I can achieve on my own, without the self-depricating pressure of competing. My advice is to follow your heart and do what you love. I coach and take CrossFit classes a few times a week at my gym, and when I need a week away from the ‘box’ I do it and don’t beat myself up about it. I want it to always be fun, and the best way to do it is to make conscious decisions that make you happy! Always choose happiness :)
Thank you, Lucy! You nailed it with basically every part of your comment–you seem to totally “get it”. :) At the end of the day, I want to have fun and feel good like you said, so I want/need to find ways to amplify that part of the experience. Still working on that. Thanks for your reminder that choosing happiness is the most important thing here. :) I think we crossfit personalities probably get a little too uptight sometimes. :)
Even though I don’t do crossfit, I can relate to your experience. I am small (5’1, 108lb) although not as small as you and I try all types of gym classes including TRX and bootcamp. In a recent class, we were supposed to take turn to flip a 350lb tire for more than 30 min. There were 3 men and 3 women and I was the smallest but not the least fit. Long story short, my upper arms were left with serious bruises and my lower back was shot in the end. The other two women did not suffer as much because of their height/weight advantage. I feel proud that I did as much as people twice my size and I will take the class again, but will definitely pace myself better to prevent injury and still feel accomplished. Sorry for making this a long story about myself. I guess my point is that we need to do what works for us considering our weight, height, and fitness level. You look amazing and more fit than when you first started posting. You just need to feel great about what you have accomplished, not what you have not.
OT, got my weekender dress in XS. The material feels like Lulu’s rulu and the cut is looser, especially in the hip area, than last season’s. It is a keeper! I did not love the fit of the neutron hoodie in S though. XS may work better. I am now eyeing lulu’s toasty tech tights and alala’s chill tights. Have you received yours yet? I wonder which one is warmer.
Yeah, I can definitely relate to your tire flip story! Sometimes it feels crappy to have to bow out of some activity that others are doing, but sometimes it’s necessary. Thanks for the compliments, too. :) I’m admittedly not very good at focusing on the positive–definitely a skill I need to practice, hah.
Re: Alala things, I’m glad the dress worked out! It’s always nice when sizing tweaks are just the ones you need. :) I actually got my chill tights a couple hours ago. The fabric is pretty thick, and they’re nicely brushed/fleecy on the inside, but I would say the toasty techs will probably edge them out for warmth. Also the chill tights run hella small, imo. I probably won’t be keeping mine, though they are beautiful (and opaque).
I just gotta say – you looked fierce and your outfits were A++, and really that’s what matters :)
Heh, all a matter of perspective, right. ;)