When I started this blog, I was eyeball-deep in the CrossFit world, WODing my heart out every day. Although I tried hard not to make this space too CrossFit-centric, I occasionally commented on my life in the gym, whether it be Open workouts, outfits, or just the day-to-day grind.
But a few months ago, I quietly slipped away from the CrossFit world. Here’s the story behind that decision and what I’ve learned from it.
How I started out with CrossFit
I signed up at a CrossFit gym in North Carolina in 2013. I had been hearing about CrossFit for a while, and I was attracted to the fact that it was a structured group class with an emphasis on heavy movements and variety. I hadn’t been in the fitness world for very long at that point, and it seemed like a good way to keep progressing my interest in fitness. Sure enough, I was hooked from the start.
At the time, I was in graduate school, which was an increasingly stressful and negative environment. CrossFit was my escape. It was the one hour a day where I didn’t have to think about my research project or my doubts about grad school. Throwing myself fully into a maximally intense workout was exactly what I needed to keep me sane.
Once I moved to Arizona, CrossFit continued to serve as daily “therapy” as I dealt with a long stretch of unemployment. At a time when I had a crazy surplus of mental and physical energy to burn, it was the perfect outlet.
Besides the solace it offered, I enjoyed CrossFitting for its own sake, too. I love having a workout that’s a little different every day, but repeatable enough to see measurable progress. It’s awesome to have a community where people know your name and are happy to see you when you show up. Weighted movements make me happy. I love workouts where I can settle into “the zone” and think about nothing else. Mr. AA is also a veteran CrossFitter, and it’s been a shared hobby that we could talk about for ages, whether that’s rehashing our daily WODs or commentating while we watch an entire weekend’s worth of competitions on TV. Not to mention, CrossFit workouts made me look my best, too.
I paused my CrossFitting this past fall after over 3 years. At the time, it was just a few weeks away from our wedding and honeymoon, and I had way too much on my plate. I was barely attending WODs at all, which made my $130/month membership feel like a waste, especially with the expense of our wedding/honeymoon to contend with. That said, I had been considering taking a break for a while. The impending wedding just provided the extra push I needed to pull the plug.
Why the break?
So with all these positives, why did I decide to step away?
The trouble is, many of the things that make CrossFit positive can also be negatives.
For one thing, I’ve always loved variety in my workouts. Although CrossFit workouts don’t look exactly the same most days, the overall methodology still operates within a finite realm of specified movements and class structure. After over 3 years, it started to feel repetitive and I itched for something different.
CrossFit had its mental and social strains, too. I started to feel disconnected from the CrossFit community and felt like I was simply going through the motions.
The competitive aspects of CrossFit proved to be both helpful and harmful. On the one hand, competition against both yourself and others can and does create a lot of excitement and energy. On the other hand, for years I struggled with the fact that I felt like I was on the outside looking in, always feeling like a mediocre CrossFitter due to my unusually small stature. Despite putting in a ton of honest-to-goodness hard work, I felt like I was never viewed as a serious athlete by others. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t affect my self-perception as an athlete. Although I tried hard to make peace with all this, some days it felt downright demoralizing to feel like I couldn’t achieve the level of CrossFit mastery that I desired. (I wrote some jumbled thoughts on this in a post about one of my local competitions.)
Setting all this aside, arguably my biggest problem was energy. When you combine a full-time job, a ton of blog work, and CrossFit training, you’ve got a recipe for serious burnout. Instead of WODing for stress relief, I had to drag myself to the gym. Instead of being a source of excitement, hitting the CrossFit gym became a chore that I had to force myself to do. I rarely felt like I had enough energy for a WOD, and after particularly hard days, I was virtually useless afterward. CrossFit workouts are not only physically taxing, they can also be very mentally taxing, and I felt both in a big way. (While I was going through all this, I wrote an entire post on burnout and the strategies I was using to try to remedy it.)
What I’ve learned
It might sound silly, but it was really hard for me to make peace with taking a break. It felt like I was giving up somehow, or betraying the CrossFit community by bowing out. That said, now that I’ve gotten some separation, I can say that I made the right choice, at least for now.
After 8 months, I’ve gleaned some valuable insights from my CrossFit hiatus.
Even if you love doing something, it’s ok to take a step back and take a break. If a workout you once loved (and maybe still love!) is stressing you out, you don’t have to force it.
Yes, it’s totally normal for motivation to be low some days and for you to have to draw on some discipline and diligence. But there’s a difference between a workout routine that you occasionally don’t feel like doing versus one that becomes a consistent drain that’s always emptying your cup instead of filling it. Learning to recognize the difference is key.
Ultimately, my #1 fitness goal is just to enjoy doing it. I don’t work out to be miserable or as some sort of penance for my sins of unhealthiness. In that sense, forcing something that wasn’t quite working was only hindering me. It’s not like I was getting some sort of Fitness Martyr points for doing something that wasn’t making me happy.
There’s no shame in taking time to regroup and reassess whether what you’re doing is working for you. Your workouts are for YOUR health and wellbeing, not anyone else.
What I’m up to now
So if not CrossFit, what have I wound up doing instead?
After our wedding, my fitness routine was pretty hit-or-miss for the few weeks as the holidays rolled around. I toyed with the idea of going back to CrossFit, but it still didn’t seem like the right time. Instead, in January, I started Kayla Itsines’ 12-week BBG program. I completed all 12 weeks of the program, although the last 2 weeks were a little bumpy thanks to a brief bout of illness and injury.
Overall, I really enjoyed the program. Doing the 12-week challenge along with the Instagram BBG community and having the workout days written into the program (e.g., “Week 2 Friday”) gave me the accountability I needed to stay on track. BBG did wonders to jump start me back into a consistent fitness routine, which helped tremendously with feeling (and looking) sluggish post-holidays. I liked that I could do many of the workouts at home or at the gym depending on my schedule, and I liked that the AMRAP structure meant I could modulate the intensity depending on how I was feeling. That said, the program whet my appetite for trying more new things, so I decided to switch it up again at the end of the program.
For the month of May, I’m participating in a fitness challenge at work, where I’m accumulating the miles for an Ironman’s worth of biking, swimming, and running by the 31st. It’s been a great way to have a short-term goal to work toward, since it ensures I’m still making it to the gym on the regular to stay on track to hit the May 31 deadline.
In the midst of all this, I’ve been taking aerial silks classes since August. Silks isn’t as intense of a workout compared to what I’m used to (at least not yet!), but I love taking time for a more artistic, technique-focused side of movement. I just finished the level 2 series and plan to continue on this summer.
I’ve also started training toward another goal I’ve had for a long time. This training routine is what will be keeping me busy for a couple months until this fall, but that topic really deserves its own post. ;)
All told, I’m not sure if or when I’ll go back to CrossFit, but what I can say is that taking time off has been really healthy for me. I feel renewed joy and appreciation for working out. It’s created space for me to strike a better balance between my energy levels, mental health, and fitness goals. I’ve been able to explore more types of movement and broaden my horizons. Although there are definitely things I miss about CrossFit, I’ve gained a lot, too.
Pic 1: an oh-so-close muscle attempt from CrossFit Open workout 15.3. (I eventually got one. And only one.)
Pic 2: majorly PRing with a 75# snatch in Open workout 15.1, one of my most awesome CrossFitting moments.
OMG Suzanne thank you for posting this. I nearly cried after reading this. I went through the same process as you.
I was drawn to crossfit initially due to the vibe the community and the oh so bad ass workouts. I was always trying to give my best and that competitive side of me always urged me to push more. However like you I had a full time job to juggle w unpredictable hours.. leading to fatigue though I still thought I should push and punish myself with the wods. That resulted in a year worth of very very bad injuries.. despite that I still thought I could persist. And yes I also felt like an outsider .. but not coz I was small but on the chubby part. (That being said I do have very awesome friends from the box)
Finally the logical side of me flipped the switch and I gave it up. So for the past one yr I have been focusing on strength work , doing some olys n random things. Very occasionally I do a crossfit like metcon.. but that’s a far cry from before..
Like you I m not sure if I would go back again though tempting at times. But I m at a happy place now and am quite thankful that I am managing my work load and being able to throw in some gym time.
Anyhow big hugs and thank you for sharing this. And all ur of your previous posts
I’m so glad to hear you’ve found a better (injury-free!) balance and so glad this resonated with you! I agree that when you’re in the CF world and the heat of the moment, it’s so hard NOT to push yourself too far sometimes. Thanks for sharing your story. :)
Love this. Working out should always make you happy and be something you look forward to. (I LOVE picking out my gym clothes every morning). It’s nice to hear your story and what you are up to. I’m constantly switching workouts and happy to cheer you on in your next endeavor.
Thanks Sara!! :) It’s so easy to get caught up in what you “should” do, but like you said, also so important to pursue what you love doing, not just what you’re “supposed” to.
I just came across this blog and feel so much better after reading !
I have never tried CrossFit (the thought of it slightly terrifies me!), but yet I am fascinated by the people that do it and love it. Right now I am doing the Strong Curves Advanced Program to try to build a better butt. Those workouts are so intense and hard. I am spent for the rest of the day after I train. I am also trying to incorporate yoga once of twice a week on top of my tennis games (three or four times a week on court). I used to run a lot, but injury made me quit. It’s all about change…finding what works for you at the present. If you don’t love it, don’t do it!
Yup, the key phrase right there is “at the present”. Our circumstances are always changing, and what worked before might not work after a while. Sounds like you have a pretty great routine going! I’ve never played tennis, but I tried out pickleball with my Dad when I was home last week and it was tons of fun! :)
Thank so much for sharing this. I had a similar experience but sort of in the opposite direction. I had been a pure yogi for about 5 years. I did a 200 hour and was teaching occasionally. I ran out of inspiration and I was lacking the strength and power to prevent hypermobility injuries. That’s when I found crossfit, and I love it. It’s inspired me in my yoga practice and in my life and the community is awesome. I’m so much stronger than I’ve ever been (even though I’m still working on that first muscle-up :)) I totally agree that you have to go with what is working for you at the time and truly evaluate what your body and mind needs to stay healthy.
I also want to say that I did feel guilty, like I was cheating on yoga, but there is space for so many things in your life and I decided to not waste time on feeling guilty about fun stuff.
Yes, no matter which workout your stopping or starting, the takehome message is definitely still the same. I’m so glad you were able to find something new, exciting, and beneficial in CrossFit. :) I love your line about not wasting time feeling guilty. Need to remember that one! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. :)
variety is the spice of life! :)
i took a break from gym-based workouts and im still on that break. ive been enjoying yoga, hot bootcamp and hot barre lately. i miss dance workout classes though, so ive been looking into finding one that i like!
Hot barre is a thing too?? I’ve never heard of that but I guess it’s not too surprising. :) I’m trying to work in some more yoga, too.
I love when you tell us about your life, Suzanne. I am excited to hear about your secret current goal that you are working on in an upcoming post! What could it beeeee?!?!
I want to do aerial silks SO BAD but the nearest place is 40 minutes away (not realistic given my current toddler/working life). Maybe someday one will open here in my town. I like things that make me feel strong and graceful, and I have a feeling aerial silks would make me feel that way even more than my at-home booty barre videos ;)
I’m so happy that you continue to pursue (and achieve!) fulfillment in your fitness goals – I wish the same for all of us readers!
p.s. Can whoever won the dream outfit please share with all of us?! What did you get???? I need to live vicariously!
What a bummer that the aerial studio is so far. :( I feel pretty lucky to have one here considering what a small town I’m in! I think you would love it. Hopefully a closer option pops up for you.
And my current training goal is running. But, it’s slightly more complicated than that. Hence the separate post. :)
I am SO curious what your current goal is! Heh heh.
Very interesting post. Can’t agree more about mixing things up when your fitness routine begins to drag or feel less fun. I’ve been doing mostly weightlifting for the past year, which I love, but I was starting to get kinda bored. I finally began mixing it up this month by replacing some weight days with running, athletic conditioning classes at the gym, or boxing. Doing “whatever I want” might not be the most effective training plan ever, but that’s okay as I don’t train for events or anything; I’m still reaping benefits, and having a great time.
I think I was getting a little too wrapped up in the idea of figuring out the best training method, which would serve as a sort of block sometimes, holding me back instead of pushing me forward.
Your last paragraph really hit the nail on the head! It’s been really hard for me to get over the idea of optimizing my fitness into some perfect training regimen, and I completely agree that it can hinder my fitness level instead of help. The fact of the matter is that I’m not some sort of elite/professional athlete, and I don’t have to be. I can still reap plenty of mental and physical benefits of consistent exercise even if it’s not a carefully orchestrated program.
These ‘living well’ posts have been great lately, and really relatable for me. I’m in research and found daily exercise so helpful for coping with a toxic, stressful work environment. Now that I’ve moved on, it’s still fun – but if it’s ever not fun, I take time off and that’s OK too.
Glad you like them! :) Research is a real drag sometimes. I’m in commercial products now and it has its fair share of stresses, but on the whole people are definitely more balanced and generally supportive of having a life. Glad you’ve found a better spot too!
Thanks for this! Makes me feel better about my own situation. About a year ago I took an extended break from weight lifting and jogging. Weights were an eye opener for me – I’d never known how strong I could be, and I sure loved how it made my body look! But there came a point, about the three year mark, when I started to dread it – especially the weighted back squat, which was the pillar of my workouts and an exercise I had great difficulties with (I think a lot of those were mental). Then work got demanding and I had zero energy, and I just felt frustrated about the whole routine. So I stopped. For ten months I only took long brisk walks when I felt like it.
But about two months ago I started taking up jogging again with some earnestness. And I’m thinking about trying weight lifting again – sometime, maybe. I may never get back to the higher weights I was at before, but I no longer think of fitness as “all or nothing”. Moderation is just fine! In fact it’s probably best for someone like me, who was never an athlete to begin with.
I think the “all or nothing” comment you made is exactly the trap I fall into. I get so caught up in thinking I need to be training optimally, or I’m somehow failing and I shouldn’t even bother. That’s a pretty silly way to think, though, as you’ve discovered. I’m glad to hear you’ve been finding a better routine for your current needs. :)
Also, I happen to really like back squats, but they have got to be one of the most exhausting movements in all of fitness. Even just a handful of sets at a super-heavy weight can wipe me out for an entire day. So, your dread of them is probably warranted from that perspective!
Love your candidacy Suzanne! Isn’t it weird how something as “simple” as changing a workout can make us feel guilty? For instance, my fiance thinks I’m nuts that I’m trying to workout while I’m sick with a nasty head cold.. he doesn’t understand the “guilt” I have by skipping a day! I grew up playing competitive soccer, which I used to love. But I remember when soccer stopped being fun and started becoming a chore that filled me with dread and sometimes tears. It’s healthy to step back and see if the exercise we’re so blessed to do regularly is still for the right reasons. Thank you Suzanne again for your thoughtful post, as always!
Thanks for the kind words, Jen! It’s definitely an ongoing effort to try to reset my way of thinking into fun and positivity instead of guilt and “should”. But at least the more aware we are of that tendency, the easier it is to correct course. :)
It’s so true, AA! In life, as we change, our bodies change and our workouts can change too! This reminds me of when Michelle Obama said she started doing yoga for a low impact activity.
I don’t know if you have this workout in your area, but I am a yogi and climber, and an absolute die-hard lagree fitness girl! I don’t know if there are any studios in your area, but give it a try! It’s a full-body workout in 40-45 minutes that works every muscle group without being hard on the joints. We do slow movements to feel the burn! I love it so much, and do it 3-4x a week in addition to work, baby, life, and climbing!
Sadly no, it looks like we don’t have any Lagree studios here. :( Fitness choices here are pretty limited–we only JUST got our first barre studio last month! We’re a little behind, haha. Thanks for the rec, though, I’ll have to keep my eyes peeled, there have been lots of new studios popping up lately. :)
Someone once told me that anything you do outside of work should be fun, enjoyable, and not stressful. Sometimes it’s hard to realize when workouts change from stead-relieving to stress-reducing, especially when the sport is tied to our identity, so it’s good you realized it and found other things that work better for you in your current situation. My guess for your summer training is a half marathon ;-)
Yes, you raise a great point about it getting extra-complicated when our fitness routine starts to become part of our identity. I felt that way to some extent with CrossFit. After having done it for so long, it threw me into a bit of a fitness-identity tailspin for a couple months. Now, I feel like I’ve reclaimed my old identity as a generalist/fitness nomad. (As a slightly related side note, some of my work friends like to poke fun at me for being a crossfitter. So, the other day I asked them how long I would have to be out of it to not be considered a “crossfitter” anymore, and they said never, haha.)
And P.S. yes, you guessed right. ;)
I just have to say; thank you.
I’ve been doing CrossFit for about 15 months and have absolutely loved it, went in head-first. It’s brought my new physical and mental strengths I didn’t think I could achieve. But for the last month or so I’ve struggled to find the same enjoyment I used to and have been thinking about taking a break, wondering why I can’t stick to this and make it a lifetime thing. Most days I’d rather go for a run or swim as I feel it’s making me gain too much muscle mass when I’m trying to loose weight. I was feeling really bad and that I would loose all my hard earned strength and technique.
Your article has made me feel much better and I’ll be scaling back my classes from 3-4 classes a week to one, and maybe none for a little while. Like you say.. £80 a month is a lot if you’re not using it!!
All the best!
Sorry to hear you’ve been struggling with something similar. There are so many ways to both enjoy yourself AND get stronger. No need to spend all that emotional energy feeling guilty. :) I hope you find renewed energy for something you genuinely LOVE doing, whether it’s CrossFit or something completely different!
I enjoyed your article very much. I am being forced to walk away from Cross Fit. Not because I want to (I love cross fit and my cross fit family). But at 54 years old and 4.5 years of cross fit my body is making me step away. I have medial epicondylitis (golfer’s elbow) and lots of knee pain (I diagnosed myself here with quadriceps tendonitis, am seeing a Dr soon to be sure). I have had to greatly modify all the WOD’s over the past several months and I even went to physical therapy but I am just not getting better. This totally sucks for me because I love going to my gym. It is also a social outlet for me since I work from home it gets me out of the house. I have decided to leave for a month and just do Yoga and what ever else I can do to try and heal up. It’s only been a week since I have been to my cross fit gym and I feel very lost. I went to a “regular” gym today and well……it’s just not the same. I had to try and figure out my own workout and I’m just not used to that. I’m worried that I am going to lose my muscle…etc….
I know it’s probably just my brain over thinking all of this.
But anyway, I hope I can get back to it soon and/or find something else that I also really love and keeps in great shape!
Aw man, I’m sorry to hear that! It really rots to be sidelined from your favorite activity for reasons you can’t really control. :( I hope you can find something that scratches the same itch and that you can get back to it soon!
Lovely read,
Im currently on a crossfit break. Only for a few weeks, freshen up & recover.
Very well said, we should enjoy our workouts & when it becomes a chore, it is good to mix it up.
Wishing you all the best.
Crossfit is the best!